The Crush House Review: Showtime synergy (2024)

Observe, but never engage...

The Crush Houseis a very unique proposition, a “thirst-person shooter” that lets you live out your voyeurism as a camera operator on a reality show that seems partBig Brotherand part Love Island.While that itself may be enough for some,Crush Househas a deep, dark secret that may snare others… provided they have the patience to get to the bottom of it all.

Developed byCard Shark‘s Nerial,Crush Househas a relatively simple premise. You play as Jae, a producer-slash-cameraperson who is responsible for everything that happens inside the Crush House mansion. While you think this may mean that Jae calls the shots, you’d be wrong: the show’s loyal fanbase holds the real power. Their influence is one of only two rules that you need to abide by when filming: listen to the audience, and never — EVER — speak with the talent.

Jae does have control over a couple things, the most important being the cast of that week’s show. You’ll be able to select four from a total of twelve potential cast members each week, also known as a season. She’ll also have ultimate control over what the camera sees; you select the shots, and you also decide when to stop filming and air all-important, money-earning ads.

I started off playingCrush Housethe way I believe it’s intended to be: following the cast members, gobbling up all the drama, and trying to find compelling shots that not only capture the action, but please audiences. Crush Fans just love the aforementioned drama, while Butt Guys obviously like rear ends. There are so many different audiences to satiate, all with their own addictions: water features, fish, flowers, lighthouses, and so many more.

Being a nice camera operator quickly fell to the wayside. Shots were the most important bit of the day, no matter how ridiculous they seemed. I got as far back as I could, nothing really in frame or in focus, but taking advantage of a butt off in the horizon, paired with a lighthouse to the left and a small fire to the right. As soon as I pleased enough audiences for the day, it was straight to ads, skipping all the low-earning ones to play the segments that would earn the most money. That money, in turn, would buy props all around the house — like a peach-shaped cushion for those butt-lovers — that I could leverage to please audiences and get better shots.

While this mindset didn’t feel right, it ultimately was one I embraced — especially on Fridays when I needed to cram in so, so many shots or risk getting the season cancelled on its final night. I was becoming so obsessed with the shot that I was scarcely paying attention to what was actually unfolding around the house. Even then, I was noticing a big repetition of conversation around Season 3, despite never having a selected cast member appear a second time by that point. Crush House started to lose some of its lustre by that point.

Luckily, it was here that I decided to break one of the main rules and start talking with the talent, opening up the beginning of a major quest that investigatedCrush House‘s dark underbelly. I won’t ruin anything here, but this questline became my reason for playing, and playing in the slightly dodgy manner that I detailed above. More money and more viewers — as satisfied as quickly as possible — meant I had time to do some digging in the background to meet those specific objectives.

The slight problem in this compelling questline is that it takes FRIGGING AGES to weave its narrative, and the general day-to-day ofCrush Housegets in the way (and slightly becomes boring). Different audiences with extremely weird requests are an attempt to liven things up, but some of those audiences are so cryptic they just mean the difference between failing a day, and therefore failing a season. Thankfully, failure doesn’t mean the whole season is a wash — you’ll just need to restart from that specific day.

Finally, Crush House should also be commended for its representation, full of varied and complex characters that slowly reveal themselves through conversations, or even acts as simple as changing into a swimsuit. It’s incredibly refreshing to see characters living their authentic selves without fear, or without apology… though, again, it’s insane how many have expert knowledge into the science behind ripples in pool water.

Herein lies the appeal ofThe Crush House: it can function as a Big Brothercamera operator simulator for those looking for that (especially on lower difficulties), but it also offers up a compelling dark side for those with a bit of patience. That, paired with an incredibly low price tag of $24.99 AUD, makes this title one that I’d happily recommend to those in either camp.

Just don’t forget to hunt for those Dogmilk Crunch bars… and use the comments below to let me know what I actually do with them. Please. I’ll be forever grateful.

The Crush Houseis available on Windows PC and Mac via Steam later today.

The Crush House was reviewed using a promotional code on Windows PC via Steam, as provided by the publisher. Click here to learn more about Stevivor’s scoring scale.